The calls on this page predominantly cover the “TTS Saga” against Chris the Hacker in the later half of 2010, where Chris was tricked into believing the prank calls to his shop were being orchestrated by the fictitious son of the former CEO of the Unilever Corporation. Chris believed this for some time -attempting to contact the CEO himself to discuss his sons behaviour- before he was made aware it was another hoax (although he FELL FOR IT ONCE AGAIN in 2011, proving to the world his immense levels of gullability).
Sometime after the DatBoys Fire incident we thought it would be the right thing to do to get Chris some help, and began the process of soliciting sex therapists and clincal psychiatrists to call Chris to arrange many, many counselling sessions.
“Chris has been subject to some of the most extreme pranks out there, many of which have crossed the line from harmless prank calling into outright malicious harassment. One of the meanest examples occured in late 2010, when he was three-wayed with the Belmont Fire Dept. and listened helplessly as a mechanized text-to-speech voice claiming to be a deaf woman, gave his address and business name and falsely reported a fire. Chris then tried desperately to tell the fire department that there was no fire at his shop and that the whole thing was a prank call by someone trying to set him up, but to no avail. In the end, the fire department told him (much to his understandable frustration) that, prank call or not, their protocal required them to send a response to every report of a fire and that both the police and a fire truck would be there momentarily. It is unknown what transpired after they arrived at the scene.”
(excerpt from http://soundboardprankcalls.wikia.com/wiki/Chris_the_Hacker)
When I was still in the frame of mind to spend hours making videos for… all of the calls in “HackerFest2010” this call was featured as the first video to kick it all off. All of the calls centre on feeding Chris complete bullshit and disinformation to orchestrate amusing antics, and generally cause ‘hell and mayhem all over the fuckin’ place’.
We call Chris using Text-to-Speech pretending to be Brandon (AKA Virusmakers) and play with him for a while; riling him up about smashing his windows while he mocks Brandon about living with his mother.
A two part call to Chris, this time pretending to be TehPrankCaller and Virusmakers to diplomatically approach him with an offer of joining forces to take down MistahBlonde, 666j1 and Mr88Nismo. The call quickly deteriorates into a typical rant from Chris about his intimate knowledge of hardcore prisoners, Columbine High School (which he equates as being the same thing as the prank calls to his shop), parenthood and Masonic conspiracies, inbetween threatening Teh and Virusmakers and insulting their understanding of his verbage and knowledge of the english language, despite their offer to help him.
We called Chris back as TehPrankCaller later that night, telling him that he’d spoken to 666j1 who had given them MistahBlondes real name; Brian Kugler. This is revealed to Chris, as well as the fact that MistahBlonde AKA Brian Kugler works at the Unilever Corporate offices in Rotterdam, and his dad is the ‘CEO or something’ of the company. Chris takes note.
This call is basically me confirming to Chris that all the lies about Brian Kugler that were fed to him in the previous calls are completely true, and we talk nicely about prank calling, and what my dad would make of it and I promise not to prank call him anymore, since he knows my info and could obviously make trouble for me in a heartbeat. Right?
The call is pretty uneventful but I had to include it for the sake of continuity, so if you aren’t interested in why Chris turned out to later be so certian that I was Brian Kugler, you can just skip this one and move onto the next one which is actually a prank call 😉
Chris the Hackers Betrayal
Just to test how trustworthy Chris was after he’d been given what he thought was my name and true identity, we called him and pretended to be another prank caller who hated MistahBlondes guts, and lo and behold Chris didn’t hesitate to give this random prank caller every last bit of bogus info he’d got about Me! I called him back myself later on and demanded an explanation, but he lied and claimed nothing had happened. Turns out Chris wasn’t very trustworthy at all 😦
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The finale of the HackerFest2010. We call Chris at random with Microsoft Sam, and find that he was expecting a call from somebody else named Sam –probably the now retired(?) youtuber SamSaw- he goes into a ramble about Sam being in jeopardy, and proceeds to talk shit about the other prank callers, telling Sam how he should abandon them and presumably join forces with Chris. We humor this attempt to recruit another honest prank caller into the ranks of the DatBoys rats, but his efforts are killed when Sam says the reason he won’t rat anybody out is because they might give his name to police and connect him with unsolved sex crimes. Unusually Chris doesn’t buy this particular absurdity, and we switch Text-to-Speech to Microsoft Mary and reveal that it’s MistahBlonde after all. Because obviously anybody using Microsoft Mary TTS has got to be me, in the same way that the other prank calle use Microsoft Sam. It makes perfect sense.
Chris isn’t amused at this, and begins to threaten me with reporting me to my dad whose identity he “researched” from the previous disinformation we fed him, and I’m sure at least one or two google searches on the Unilever corporation and the Kugler Family. We talk about this for a while, as well as ChrisSantos and Firebird before he switches the subject to 666j1, and how he’ll soon be arrested and charged for the crimes of prank calling (this was back in October ’10). In response to this we give him a dire warning about the true business of 666j1 and his backers in the american intelligence services.
Something of note here- Chris claims that in September ’10 the prank callers cost him $70 in toll free call charges (the number which was disconnected in December), and that altogether the prank calls prior to this in total have cost him $3000. Kind of interesting then how a $70 average over 12 months can amount to $3000, and how later only a month or so after this he claims that prank callers have cost him over $30,000… so somebody’s making something up.
These calls were made in the aftermath of several ingenious DatBoys pranks, and directly dealing with the fallout from Belmont Street Calls (see below) and Chris’s idle threats to sue Brian Kugler in revenge for everything. Actually the first call is kind of boring, I only put it up for sake of continuity.. so you can just go ahead and download part 2 featuring his diabolical threats of personally carrying out some kind of extraordinary rendition on the prank callers by kidnapping them and dropping them in other countries…
After calling Chris and conferencing calling him with Charles from AtoZ Pawn and random cops and houses, we hang up on Charles and chat to Chris to see what’s on his mind. He isn’t sure who the caller is at first, and puts us through a security quiz to determine who it is, and we manage to convince him he’s talking to 666j1.
He eventually realises his mistake and hangs up on us, but we call back again to find Chris very distressed and he begins to rant again about sueing me and my dad who he still believed at this point was the former CEO of Unilever.
“..you can prank call all this shop all you want and it’s not gonna save YOUR FUCKIN ASS! now it’s MY time! now it’s MY turn! YOU guys are gonna be the ones in FEAR! Hey Hat, how does it feel?”
We arranged a call back to Chris under the guise that ModLightYagami wanted to defect after the bomb threats to the white house in which ‘the guy from Kuwait’ (mentioned on the Prank Victim Visits Chris at DatBoys call) got the blame, supposedly. The ModLightYagami imposter leads Chris on at first, getting him to go into a long story about other prank callers having been arrested, such as SBCallingYew, before degenerating into nonsense.
Eventually, Chris realises that he isn’t speaking to the real ModLightYagami, and decides that he is being provoked by a little kid who had approached his shop windows and looked him dead in the eye. Whoever that might’ve been.
A totally pointless and stupidly long TTS clusterfuck call to Chris made over the ToyChest ventrilo with several thousand users talking at once. Chris tries to glean information, directs us to datboys.on.nimp.org, makes threats of arrest and attempts to scare us with his fictitious contacts in the Masons.
The Hacker actually succeeded in shutting down my old website, but he couldn’t make the accusation ride on prank calls alone, he had to stoop to filing a report based on “some kind of japanese something or other” which had been posted in the galleries. Tsk tsk. He takes the opportunity to threaten to sue me once again, and this time mentions that he’s got Frank Garrett to sue along with him for use of their names… but this turned out to be a blatant lie. As if Frank would betray us!
“I’m gonna SUE YOU! First off you violated federal copyright law.. because you USED my fuckin’ name.. and Frank Garrett knows about it too.”
After Chris claimed DatBoys was closing down and that he’d gone bankrupt, he made a trip to California driving across America in his gold minivan presumably in an attempt to gain funding for the business. He’d arranged to meet up with Nismo in Kansas on the way to California, and hung around Kansas City all day waiting for Nismo to call him back so they could hang out. But this was obviously never going to happen, and judging by Chris’s tone in his voice in the third voicemail he realised he’d been pawned.
The old website was back up within a couple of days, and we were back calling Chris with some more conferences and making use of the new Jake Soundboard (from the Belmont Street calls). Chris skillfully determines that since we’re using that soundboard, then we must be the people who made the calls to Belmont Street. He begins rambling about “The Prank Buster; some guy who surfaced on youtube comments late in 2010 pretending to be an FBI agent to scare people from prank calling, and he of course failed.
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A couple of weeks went by as we gave Chris some space to sort out his business, afterall, the last thing we wanted was for him to close down and leave us without a reliable victim to prank call. Chris was intoxicated during this call and bantered happily with the Charles soundboard as he watched videos of clowns and circuses on youtube.
The infamous prank caller Josh Boarman calls up Chris’s local Pizzeria to place an order for a large Pepperoni Pizza to be sent to Chris. He fails in this task, but all is not lost. A soundboard is quickly made of him and used to call Chris, who mistakes it for my voice and believes me to be sending a pizza to him.
Once again Chris makes the mistake of believing us to be somebody else with very little evidence to support it. This time he thinks the person calling him is ChrisSantos (now retired from youtube) and he tries to explain why he called ChrisSantos mother and masturbated on the phone which he had apparantly done, then blames it on SamSaw.
There’s another reference to the “Prank Buster” in here as well, and Chris reveals that the only contact he had with the guy was over the phone AKA he was a prank caller, not that Chris let himself realise that.
An annoymous call to Chris from an unnamed prank caller to check in on him and see how his bankruptcy is going and tease him about how he’s failed to stop any of us. When he realises it’s not any of the regular prank callers on the phone to him he mellows out and tries to talk like he’s rational person.
We call back pretending to be Firebird and apologise on his behalf, but Chris doesn’t buy it and it escalates into the usual threats about calling Unilever to report me to my dad, and he tries to blame me for making bomb threats… 😥
Needless to say, all his shop-talk about his buddies in Typefrag turned out to be nonsense, and nothing happened to the Toy Chest.
A quick call to Chris with a super awesome Text-to-Speech program I found that sounded like 666j1, or at least I thought so. It was pretty pointless, but I found it amusing.
I hadn’t called Chris in a while; deciding that we could both use a break, but when my site on webs.com got taken down out of the blue for a SECOND time I assumed it was Chris who’d done it and gave him a call to see what he had to say.
Santa Claus calls Chris
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Christmas Trees and Chris the Hacker
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